Being a present and intentional parent and husband does not happen by accident. It takes structure, consistent habits, and a mindset focused on connection instead of control. As a business owner and father, I have learned that the same principles used to lead teams and negotiate effectively also apply at home. These nine strategies, combined with insights from the book Never Split the Difference by former FBI negotiator Chris Voss, have helped me build trust with my kids and create a family culture that actually works. If you have ever felt torn between your work and your family, this is for you.
1. Set “Hard Stops” on Work
• Pick a cutoff time each day (for example, 6:00 PM) when work ends no matter what. Treat it like a client meeting you cannot miss.
• Use timers or alarms to remind you to wind down.
My hardest stop is Sunday. That is time that I rarely ever work. My kids know I do not work on Sunday. My wife knows. My clients, if they text me on Sunday and it is an emergency to them but not actually an emergency, I will either respond and say I am not available, or I will not respond at all depending on the client’s personality.
We have a family calendar. As your kids get older, or even if they are too young to manage it themselves, you and your spouse can use it to stay in sync. I usually review it the night before.
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2. Create Daily “Micro Moments”
• Morning rituals: Eat breakfast with your kids or do a short devotional or silly dance before school.
• Evening rituals: Read with them, take a walk, or ask "What was the best part of your day?" at dinner.
I am rarely away from my kids unless I am traveling for business or a charity I am involved with.
None of my children know this, but I have Friday evenings on my calendar to meet with them individually. They do not know it is scheduled. We just talk. I ask them about their spiritual self, their goals, and their week. It is not on the family calendar. It is only on mine.
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3. Work Near Them, Not Around Them
• If you are working from home, sit in a common area for some tasks like emails so they can see you and casually engage.
• Let them help with simple things such as stapling, labeling, or just watching you work through something.
All of my kids are part of my family management company. Their job is to clean my office. I benefit from the tax side of that, but they also do real work. My older kids handle accounting and bookkeeping. I usually start training them at age 13 or 14 depending on their maturity.
Sometimes I will just sit nearby working on my phone and make little comments while they are doing something. It makes me feel more involved in their lives.
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4. Build in “Kid-Only” Time
• Schedule one-on-one time with each kid weekly. It can be short like a Sonic run, bike ride, or Lego session.
• Put their names in your calendar like any VIP client.
Sometimes I just take one of the kids with me on errands. It could be something simple like running to get something for my wife. I ask who wants to come. If nobody does, I just go by myself. No pressure. Sometimes I invite my wife instead.
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5. Involve Them in Your Work
• Take them with you when possible, especially to lower-key business visits.
• Show them your world. Teach them a task, show off a machine, or let them sit in on a meeting if appropriate.
When my kids are age-appropriate, they can get involved. At Oz Mint, when they are old enough, I let them come work for a little bit. It is more about them interacting with other people than it is about doing real work.
The Mint is awesome. We make custom business cards for people that are actually silver rounds. It is a huge tax write-off and a great experience for them.
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6. Have Set Family Days or Traditions
• Pick one day a week where work is off-limits such as a Saturday hike, Sunday pancake breakfast, or Friday movie night.
• Be consistent so they can count on it emotionally.
Sunday dinner is a big one for us, and that is mostly thanks to my wife. Without her, I probably would not eat. I just do not care about food that much.
Our biggest tradition is going to Bear Lake. My family helped settle that area back in the day, and we still go up there for reunions.
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7. Leave Notes or Voice Memos
• When gone or busy, leave sticky notes, surprise drawings, or quick video messages.
• These let them know you are thinking of them even when you are working.
I am not a sticky note dad, but I understand love languages. I try to hit all five so my kids feel loved even if I do not know their primary one yet.
As they become teenagers, if they do not feel loved, they will call you out. Whether they are right or not, they will still feel it.
I rarely get angry at my kids. I show disappointment instead. If you are hitting all five love languages, they will want to do better. Even if they run away, give up, or shut down, do not give up on them. They will come back one day, even if it is when they are 30.
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8. Teach, Not Just Entertain
• Use the time you do have to teach values, skills, or hobbies. Do not just pass time.
• Kids remember the lessons and the time spent growing more than the distractions.
This should be easy for dads. We love to teach. But teaching also means modeling what we say.
When kids become teens, they notice hypocrisy fast. That is when your actions matter most. They will call you out, even if they are wrong.
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9. Involve Them in Goals
• Tell them what you are working toward. For example, "I am doing this deal so we can take a big summer trip."
• Let them feel like part of your mission, not like they are in the way of it.
The real trick is not getting them involved in your goals. It is aligning your goals with theirs. Sometimes that means finding out what they love without directly asking.
My 10-year-old daughter did not want to take a sewing class. I convinced her to try it. She ended up loving it. Now she trusts my recommendations and is currently doing scuba lessons.
I am careful not to live through them. My 15-year-old son plays baseball. I do not want him to feel pressure from me to perform for my sake. I just support him playing his best. Because I was around and available, when he asked for help, he listened. Now he is a star player.
All of my kids know none of my wealth will go to them automatically. They have to find their own way. I will help, of course, but they have to meet me halfway. When my son was 14, he saved up money and bought a truck. I agreed to double whatever he saved. I think Dave Ramsey does something similar.
I try to cut out time vampires. If a client becomes one, I fire them. Sometimes that is the wake-up call they need. Firing someone can change their life. It is like the kid who got good grades without trying, then hits college, fails a test, and realizes they have to actually learn how to study.
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Why I Recommend Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss
If you want to be a better parent, spouse, and family leader, this book will give you tools that most people never think to use at home. Chris Voss was the lead international hostage negotiator for the FBI. The tactics he teaches were developed under life-or-death pressure, but they apply just as powerfully in your home.
Here is why the book works for families:
• Tactical Empathy helps you understand and reflect your child’s emotions without judgment. Saying "It seems like you’re overwhelmed" helps them feel safe and heard, even during conflict.
• Mirroring is repeating the last few words your spouse or child says. It keeps the conversation going and makes them feel understood. It works especially well with teenagers who do not want to talk.
• Labeling emotions helps defuse arguments. When you say "It sounds like you’re frustrated," your child feels seen instead of attacked.
• Letting people say “no” actually keeps the conversation alive. Instead of pushing for yes, you ask questions like "Would it be a terrible idea if we talked about it later?" That gives your spouse or child space to feel in control.
• “That’s right” moments mean you got it. When your child or partner says “That’s right” after you summarize their view, they feel truly understood.
• Calibrated questions like "What’s the biggest thing getting in the way of this?" open up conversations without making the other person feel accused.
• Accusation audits work beautifully with kids. Saying something like "You’re probably going to think I’m being unfair right now" lowers their resistance before they push back.
• Tone matters more than content. Voss teaches you to use a calm, steady voice to reduce tension. That applies in business and especially with children.
• Black Swans are the small moments in conversations that reveal everything you need to know. A side comment from your child might uncover a fear, an insecurity, or something they need help with. Listening for those is what separates reactive parents from truly present ones.
This book is not just about negotiation. It is about building trust, solving problems, and helping people feel safe around you. That is the core of every strong family.
I recommend every parent read Never Split the Difference and apply it daily. I use something from this book almost every week in business and every single day at home.